Week 4 Picks

I just worked a lunch shift for the first time in months, which meant I had to wake up pre-noon, so I just now got up from my mid-evening nap. Oh, and if I hadn't mentioned before, I am a server at a restaurant here in DC and you can be damn sure that if Roy Williams ever sat at one of my tables he would get the worst service he ever dreamed possible. Including spilling his cheap white zin down his cheap back.

Anyway, on to my picks. Through three weeks: 29-19.

Houston def. Atlanta: This is another one of those picks that I could go either way on. For some reason the name Ron Dayne doesn't really instill a lot of confidence into me when thinking about the Texans running game, but then again, the name Joey Heisman does even less for me. Harrington had a good game last week and everyone in Atlanta probably hopes he doesn't so they can get on with the Byron Leftwich era. I take Houston in this one by less than 10.

Ravens def. Browns: The reality of Derek Anderson at QB will continue to be brought back down to Earth with this game for the Browns fans. The Ravens D hasn't been that incredible this year, but we're talking about the Browns here, and I don't think Jamal Lewis' "I will show them" game is going to account for much. Ravens clean up in Cleveland.

Oakland def. Miami: Culpepper's first start of the season. Possibly Trent Green's last. I have a feeling the Raiders put up big numbers in this one, and Ronnie Brown doesn't. Too bad. Dolphins move to 0-4 and start scouting the next player they are going to draft 3 rounds too high next year.

Lions def. Bears: Grossman is on the bench, some even suggested he might slip all the way down to 3rd on the depth chart, you know, to make way for Kyle Orton eventually . Yeah, good luck with that one. Who knows, maybe he's the next Brees. My moneys says not likely. Anyway, Kitna has convinced me that they might just have a winning season this year, maybe not 10 games, but maybe 9, and what with Brian Griese getting the nod this week and the Bears missing some key defensive players, the Lions can pull this one out at home.

Jets def. Bills: I am starting Chad Pennington this week thanks to Marc Bulger's broken ribs and my broken dreams for the Rams this year, so I need a big win here from the Jets. Lots of touchdowns. Lots of them. And who better to pin my hopes on but JP Losman and the Bills...oh, what? Losman is hurt? What's that? Trent Edwards? Oh. Right. Lee Evans may never catch another ball this year.

Packers def. Vikings: Tavaris Jackson may be my least favorite QB in the NFL behind Eli Manning. I would rather start Kordell Stewart at QB then Tavaris. Reason? No reason, just don't like him. Have you ever just not liked someone for absolutely no real reason at all? Like you didn't like the way someone wore their hair the day you met them and it just stuck with you every time you saw them? That's how I feel about Tavaris. Apparently Brett Favre has never won in the dome in Minnesota, I think they change that this week and push Green Bay fans to the point of delirium.

Cowboys def. Rams: I don't even want to talk about it.

SF def. Seattle: For all intensive purposes the Seagals should beat the Niners. But my friend Jon is going to be at the game, and I have a good feeling he is going to bring his treacherous luck to the stadium for his beloved Hawks and Hasslesack. That's the same reason I KNOW from the bottom of my heart the Rockies won't make the playoffs this year, because Jon jumped on the bandwagon. Jon jumping on your bandwagon is like someone jumping in your inflatable raft with spikes on (more on bandwagons in a later post).

Bucs def. Panthers: David Carr is starting, which means that the Buccaneers will have 1,000 sacks and Jeff Garcia leads the Elder Team to another win. And hey, maybe Cadillac can get some more TD's for my fantasy bench.

Chargers def. KC: Larry Johnson hasn't found a hole all season. There probably wasn't a hole to be found in the first place since the Chiefs have pushed all their chips in on Eddie Kennison for another year so opposing D's can put 11 in the box. The Chargers need this one badly. If they lose it at home I fully expect Norv Turner to be gone before years end. What's Marty up to these days, by the way? And If Tomlinson doesn't put up numbers this week all the fantasy owners who took him first overall should find a way to circumvent the "players you can't drop" rule and pick up Ron Dayne instead.

Denver def. Colts: I feel an upset coming. I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not gonna say much more, but I think this one has the makings for an Indy heartbreak.

Steelers def. Cardinals: Unless they start Kurt Warner. The Steelers are damn good, and the Cardinals are again showing why no one should ever have high expectation for them coming in to a season. If everyone just expected them to lose every game, any win would be a great thing for their fans. Even just a moral win, or one of those good losses. Steelers roll.

Eagles def. Giants: The Eagles found their stride and I think they keep it for another week here against the Giants in NY. I trust Eli like I trust Jared Lorenzon with my niece wrapped in bacon. I am starting Curtis this week even though I know he won't put up more than 10 points. It seems like a rule in fantasy that if a player scores 40 or more points in one week, the following week has to be a below-average outage. Which is why I never start role players who become stars until at least two weeks later. Say hello to Ronald Curry in my lineup. But Hines Ward is down, so Curtis gets the nod. Anyway. Eagles win. Eli throws interceptions and stares at nothing again.

Pats def. Bengals: The Patriots are too good. Randy Moss has 7 more good games in him. I hope this is a good game. I hope it's close. But I don't see anyone beating the Pats at this point in the year.

Games I wish could be played on Madden: Jets v Bills. Could there be a less entertaining game on TV this Sunday? Maybe ESPN is going to show soccer, unless Hope Solo is being interviewed I would rather watch the Jets/Bills over that, but lets just have two fat kids play this one out on Madden let everyone know the outcome.

Games I wish I could be at: Pats v. Bengals. There are three amazing receivers in this game and two amazing qb's. Even without Rudi Johnson I bet the Bengals are still able to move the chains. And God only know what Ocho-cinco will do if he scores.

Upset Watch: The victims of last weeks upset watch come back and take their revenge on Indy. Denver over Indianapolis.