The Silver Lining

I don't know if God is smiting me or if it's just bad luck, but lately all my false idols have crumbled like my 2000 Blazers in the fourth quarter against the Lakers.

First, and I have been reluctant to talk about this because it was a devastating blow to my soul, so much so that I had a dream about it last night where I renounced this man to my friends, Bear Grylls is a fake. If you don't know who he is, I envy you. He is the star of Man v. Wild on The Discovery Channel, and he broke my heart. He parachutes into god-awful places and survives on nothing but what he finds in nature and his intellect and teaches you how to get to safety if you ever find yourself stuck in the French Alps with only a sharpie. That kind of thing. But apparently he has been duping all of us and staying in hotels and having other people make rafts out of bamboo for him...it's too depressing to go on.

Now, another idol has fallen like Tony Romo on the one yard line. Rick Ankiel used HGH back in 2004. Honestly, I haven't even read anything about it, or watched any reports on ESPN about what actually went down. But man, do I have to drop him from my Fantasy Baseball team now? He has catapulted me back into the chase for 7th place. And besides that, can you get a cooler story than Ricky throwing the ball into the upperdeck and then coming back years later and hitting balls into the upperdeck? He's like the real-life "Natural." But damn this HGH stuff. Apparently it wasn't illegal when he used it, so maybe there's a little silver lining to be found, but still, now he is gonna join the likes of Sammy and Mark and Barry and Jose and Wade Wilson with asterisks by their name.

But all is not lost. Mike Pelfrey got another win for the Metropolitans, who has a pretty good comeback story of his own brewing. He started the year the darling of the Mets rotation before dropping to 0-5 and then taking the bus to the minors. But now he's back and has good fortune on his side. And speaking of my Mets, how bout their response to dropping 3 to Philly by going on a tear to push their lead back up to 6 in the division. Just give us 5 innings Pedro, just five and then we'll hand it over to our amazing bullpen and close the...oh wait. Pitch all nine Pedro, just all nine, I beg you.

And finally, the real silver lining, the NFL has begun and I can finally stop making pre-season fantasy moves that will most likely come back to haunt me. I have made 5 already in one of my leagues, albeit one being dropping Mike Bell or whoever it was that was supposed to be backing T-9 and picking up Selvin Young just in case T-9 loses favor in Denver.

The Colts pounded the Boilermakers, I mean the Saints, and Drew Brees gave my Fantasy opponent a whopping 2 points. Thank you Brees. I don't know how he managed two points, he should've been docked points for never going downfield, not even once, while the score was still close. My favorite part of the whole night though, watching Saint's CB Jason David get burned repeatedly by his old team. I bet with every bomb he watched being dropped over his head he was thinking to himself, "Damn...was Mardi Gras really worth changing teams...I do like those beads though..."

The Rams open the 2007 season against the Panthers, who I am betting will go 7-9, losing 4 of their last 5 games, with a final crushing loss to the mighty Buccaneers which will finally usher out the Delhomme era and give the Bucs win number 4. So long Jon.

Here's my picks for Week 1:

--Washington def. Miami: The magic might be gone for Trent Green.

--Atlanta def. Minnesota: Harrington v. Tavaris...coin toss...Ducks win.

--Tennessee def. Jacksonville: Gotta believe Vince has a good game or four before the curse catches up with him. It's a shame. It has to happen, but it's a damn shame. So much promise.

--Rams def. Panthers: 100-58, the Greatest Show on Turf lives on for another year.

--Steelers def. Browns: There is a reason they drafted Quinn, they don't trust Frye. Oh, who's starting? Weird. Steelers roll.

--Pats def. Jets: Thomas Jones is good. Pennington is worse.

--Philly def. Green Bay: I would take McNabb over Favre in any competition, except facial hair. Favre has kickass facial hair.

--Denver def. Bills: Just because my whole Fantasy season rides on T-9 getting TD's this year.

--KC def. Texans: I still can't believe in the Texans. Mario Williams still haunts me. Actually, I say they tie. 3-3.

--Seattle def. Tampa: This won't be one of the Bucs 4 wins. The 12th man in Seattle is too much for the Swashbucklers.

--Detroit def. Oakland: But this one comes down to the final possessions of the game, and neither team really tries to win. Maybe a fumble return by Detroit or a safety to win the game.

--Bolts def. Bears: I hate Grossman.

--Dallas def. Giants: Giants have Rueben Droughns.

--Baltimore def. Cincy: And every Ravens defensive player takes a cheap shot at Ocho-Cinco.

--Niners def. Cards: In a devastating loss, the Cards, up 14 at half, find a way to continue the doom. "But they have such good owners" everyone says. If only they could play the games.

Book it.